Daisy flower

I found my flattened daisy flower
in the notebook I was talking about July 6th, 2010.
A Tuesday.

It's still marvellously sweet.

To the silence

Splash your heart against the canvas

and burn it.

Print your desires along the lines

and erase every word.

Sing your lungs out from what's left in your grasp

to nothing.

It just isn't worth it

to speak anymore. 

Brick walls

It's just we want them smaller. Each brick a little thinner, but we still want the wall to be strong. Tall, past the skies, past the shining blue skies...with the sun beating down, we want shadows. We build our bricks smaller so maybe sun will seep in, but I think we're building our walls way too high.
All this is just another brick in the wall, all the little gestures and denial. I'm telling you not to touch me, because if you did, it would all come crashing down and crush me.
You're only playing into the trap
and I swear it's going to kill me.

Crumbling sanctuary

the woods were dark and shaded

by trees with nasty teeth.

Grinning birds

with sharpened claws

were after, after me. 

the paths had long but faded from

the deer,

no longer breathe.

but here in time, 

with crumbling walls,

we found our sanctuary. 

The Atmosphere

I know it's true that 

among the silver moon

we'll love.

And tainted 

by the grasping branches

we'll still try to run.

But hands will reach

from blackened arms

on trees

we'll have to bear the storms

in rain I'll fall

if it means you

escape the burns.

Oh goody goody gosh.
If you were a zombie I'd still kiss you.

Bluebird in a shell

More and more I feel small
a bluebird in a monster,
with scales and teeth,
it's just a shell.
It's the echoes of
empty space you see,
I cannot breathe,
I cannot breathe,
does that makes this hell?

Alligator Bank

Wake
too empty te fall asleep
What's yours is mine to keep
The kids
are going
to die

Take
We only want one thing
you're in if you can bring
the soul
we've never
SEEN

WeVe done this to ourselves
the secrets we account
at the alligator bank

We've done this to ourselves
the lies so loose we held
we've only got our scales to thank.

an explanation is years

Illness, it seems, it like getting an oddly wrapped present at your doorstep from an unknown friend. But probably that isn't specific enough for anyone that isn't ill-luminated. We're like a wolf pack in the woods with our teeth in blood.
Illness is the addiction rolling down our tongue.

illness.

It's like you know they fixed you and that's all they're ever going to do, because you are broken a hundred times in the very same places. They are combing over the wounds with fresh ice to numb them. But the ice burns, and stings, and the sharp edges graze the raw seams and rip them open subtly.
It's like they're telling you over and over again you are fixed. You are. Fixed, fine, all better. They're saying the cancer is gone when really it's hiding further in your soul. They're telling you lies to get paid, and there isn't anything you can do.
Why are they wearing white coats? Is it to prove they're not the ones spilling your blood?-because that's a lie. They're taking your blood in small glasses like vampires. They're drinking away your problems, but you're not even allowed to.

It's like they told you they fixed me but they didn't, and now you're mad because I'm not better.
You ask me what's wrong when they said it was all gone.
You ask me over and over
and over
what's wrong
what's wrong
what's wrong.

What's wrong with me? Cancer. Poison. 


Torture in my own head, locked tight. Who turned out the lights?


What's wrong with me?

Not me, anymore. Don't say "me". 

Someone Else's Trash

Someone could rock my soul to sleep
and leave me dreaming in the street.
Someone take my body far
and leave my clothing in the car.
Someone cut my bed sheets up
burn my letters into dust
someone someone, all of them
someone kill my po-ssessions.
Someone twist my last words round
leave my letters in the ground.
Someone take me far away
someone, quick, before today.
Someone someone, now is fine
before I'm dead, before the night.
Someone, shit... I just won't last-
leave my life back in the trash.

Explain it to me

Thoughts under construction you said,

"Only ten more minutes dear."

But don't I know it when I see it

Windows and glass and breaking so clear.

The sea parted by your hand you claim

because it knew what you knew.

But why the fuck should I believe you

when you don't even bother to explain. 

No, heads under water, monsters with bellies

breathing our air and we start to get jealous.

Thoughts on the rugs and our tights and our drinks

I've been watching you close to hear what you think.

The problem is me, I'm guessing by now.

You speak your thoughts clear thought I just don't see how

when you are alone you're crying and fucked

but with other people you're cool calm and--

When it's just us I ask you to talk

so the silence can't scream and the air cannot suck

at the thoughts in my head when I ask you to speak

I want to know how you got way too deep.

But with heads under water and 

words even farther

I can't seem to find my own ground...

and you laugh and you twist my words 

over my wrist

and you tell me not to make a sound...

And just beyond that you're lonely, you're cold

you're running from ghosts that are wrinkled and old.

You ask me to wait up when you're far ahead

I might, I just can't...I don't understand.

And just thrice again I beg you explain

the words and the air and the girl who's not sane.

You're laughing with eyes that are red beyond blood

I'm screaming the words as we swim through the mud.

And again I can't ask what we're doing right here

with no ground and no air and no fear fear fear fear.

Again I can't ask how we got this chin-deep

when you're sinking and drowning and I'm blind like a sheep.

Down in the dungeons where we so echo loud

Our SCREAMS and our THOUGHTS and our

heads are not proud.

Just explain it all clear like a glass in the night.

I'm waiting for love to tuck me in tight.

Can't be fucked
cannot be fucked.

In the woods

In the woods there's clothing stacked by dust
our hearts are growing open.
In amongst the trees and moon we're stars,
we glow, we darken.
At night we're tiring ghosts and fire
we cook our food on coal.
But in the woods we're safe amongst
the darkness, dead and full.