Parasite love

I remember when you promised me we'd get books written in memory
of our greatness. The claims you held close to your heart about fame
and fortune. The lies you told according to the things I will always
seek. Oh, of course I remember what you said in that letter, too
That letter you wrote me? "But I don't know if..." IF. You...
do know ifs haunt me, right? If, if, if. It's all people ever
say these days, and I am growing so tired. See me, 
I'd begged. Do you see me now, though? Can
you ever look at me again? I  know I can't
but you're my armour, my skin. I am
embedded in you like a parasite
of course you should get me
out. Purify your wounds
but...you love me?
& I love you.
Which is
probably why
I go looking for
you, in boys and girls
with a death wish. It's got
to be the reason for all my wrong
doing, the threats I wish upon myself?
She told me she was half my type, by love
but not by sight, because I guess it really matters
what we look like outside out. Facing the world, oh
definitely. She'd always said to drink up and wake up, like
something was wrong with dreaming. So I promised her the stars
because good girls always land among the stars. In heaven, but I was
                                                                                                         never good enough for heaven, non.