What game? It's not a game, is it?

Gosh.

I feel like I'm contorted, in some odd way, and everything is all backwards and forwards and just...confusing.
Because my arms aren't at my side,
and my legs aren't underneath me,
and my head is spinning everywhere,
and what the hell is all this?

What are these words,
these gestures,
these smiles?

What are these deep conversations,
these little slip-ups,
these games
and jokes
and understanding smirks?

I don't get it.

How can someone so behind me,
make me so happy,
while I'm all the way across the room, the country, the world, the universe?

My arms are spinning in circles,
my hands
my legs
my head.
Everything pulsates to the beat,
stops,
breathes,
jumps,
twists,
stops,
and it's calm again.


But then the music starts with a new song -a faster song- and everything gets too tangled up to breathe anymore.

That hurts a bit, because this is just a game.
And games are supposed to be fun,
not stressful.

So I'm thinking,
maybe,
I should
quit.

But that's not good enough for you, and I have to think about you. Only you, because I don't matter. I can't let myself matter. It's youyouyou.
All you, no me. And I can't stand this anymore.