Triggering. You may not want to read this.

"To provoke an emotion.


Something, in this world, anything, other than pain and hatred."

Look at this picture above for a few seconds. Doesn't that look... riveting?

Tell me now that that's not gorgeous.
Tell me now that that's now something to strive for.
Tell me now, that that's not a feeling.
You know, when you want to take the sharpest thing near you and tear your skin to irregular shreds?

Now look at this one here.
Have you ever felt like this? Like curling up in a ball, closing your eyes so tight, and never having to face the world again?

Hang your head, you are shamed.
Are you not?

All right, world, you fucking twisted bastard, you. Tell me I'll regret it and make me fucking believe it.
Pull my hands away from me, tear my thoughts out of my head.
Come on, asshole. Go ahead!
Show me that there's a reason to wake up tomorrow other than pleasing everyone else.
Prove it to me.

Make me feel something -anything!- other than this.

Look again. Come on, then. Direct your eyes down a little.

This isn't really happiness, is it? This isn't really fine.

And this?

And this?

Never mind the completely psychotic prospect that it's understandable, because everyone has their reasons. But this is getting out of hand, is it not?
No, actually, it isn't.
It's this weird thing. For me, I mean. It's this weird compulsion. It's not that I even want to at this point, I've never wanted anything but one thing.

It's like smoking for me.
Only this does way more than any simple substance ever has.
It's...so weird. I said that already, I know. But it's almost as if it feels good. When the razor bites in, it almost feels good.
Punishment, some people call it. Reward, others.

But it's mesmerizing.
And every single time...it's perfect.