Laterally...

That's one more time I can say I didn't break down. One more time tears hugged the walls of my eyes. One more time thoughts scraped sliver-wood across my skin. One more time.... I'm still standing.

And I'm amazed. I'm lateral, because you're all down here... down here, on earth, in your head, all normal, all fine... and I'm too far to reach. Too far to save

I'm just steps away, huh?

Just next to you, holding your arm, holding you up...

Amazing.

You haven't even noticed I'm gone, staring blankly at the wall, at the ground. You haven't even noticed my eyes glazed over and I'm not there anymore.

It's just you.

Just your friends.

Just every other person you don't want to hurt you...

Just every person that will.

And I'm off somewhere where no one can find me, sometimes. Shaking hands with air and crying myself to sleep being A-OK.

Lah-ter-all-.

I'm too far out to grab your hand, even though I'm already holding it too careless to try and get back, even though I'm already there too indifferent to call for help, even thought no one could care and too far gone to notice I've fallen.

But Ihaven'tbrokendown because I'm still standing. I haven't broken down... I haven't. I swear I haven't, and you can't prove me wrong.

So I let some tears spill; it's not like you even saw. You were bawling. Tears streaming down your face, your smile gone, contorted into this rocky scowl... And I didn't even flinch. So a few tears slid down my cheeks. One after the other... all in a row.

So what?

I kept my composure.

I didn't frown once; didn't smile once.

I've mastered it.

While you're crying, and screaming, and apologizing, I can sit there and be fine, just a few tears. And they're just water anyway, and I'm deadly afraid of water and water is fine because it drowns you quietly.

Lovely.

I'm lateral.